RELATIONSHIP: If your partner has a mental illness, take the time to learn about it - By Bukky Ayool

Even as someone who has been their partner for over four years, and has lived with mental illness for all of that time, I still find it hard to talk about mental illness with my significant other. 

I know I should be comfortable doing it – more comfortable than with people besides my psychiatrist, at least.

But while I can fathom a little conversation about it, it’s generally when I’m in a good place – not when I actually need help.

When I’m in a good place, I find it easier to communicate and look at the bigger picture. I can dissect my emotions and relay them in a factual way to give my partner some sort of idea as to how I feel when I’m in a bad place.

But when I’m actually in that bad place? It seems almost impossible.

When I’m in that bad place, I feel alone.

When I’m in that bad place, I isolate myself.

When I’m in that place, I’m convinced nobody will understand.

And when you’re convinced that nobody will understand, you don’t want to bother talking about it. You just know that you’re going to be asked ‘but why are you feeling like this?’ and it’ll frustrate you, not knowing how you’re going to convince that person that there’s no reason for it, you just feel sad.

This is why I feel it’s so important that partners of those living with mental illness do their own research into the mental illness.

I’m not saying they should learn about it all on their own – you should still try to speak about it with your partner – but research can help you understand how to help.

Doing your own research into  your partner’s mental illness will help you know what to do when they’re in a bad place. You’ll be able to look out for certain signs which will tell you when they need you most, and when they just want to be left alone.

You’ll be able to learn how to confront situations, what to say, what not to say and when to say nothing at all.

You’ll learn that often, there can be no reason for your partner’s depression or anxiety attacks or mood swings – they’re just part of the package of living with mental illness.